What the builder won't tell you

What no one tells you about managing the builder

​

Deciding on a builder is a big decision and not to be taken lightly. In fact, alongside the cost of home improvement, this is one of the main reasons people hesitate. It’s just so difficult to know who to trust.

​

‘You won’t believe what my builders did’ is the stuff of dinner party entertainment. There will always be those with lurid horror stories that make you want to put your head in the sand until it’s over. Others will be overly optimistic, with nothing bad to say about any of it.

 

Don’t expect the builder to be much help, either. This is the stuff of routine to them, so they assume everyone understands. They also see things from their own perspective, so it may not occur to them that you might need some advice or information. They’ll focus on the details – plans, timing and cost. This might increase your confidence in the short term, but understanding more about the different elements in play will be much more helpful.

 

What you actually need is some direction about how to sort out the day-to-day with your builders without getting into hot water. So here goes.

 

Two worlds collide

 

When you plan changes to your home you’ll think about what you want it to look like. The reality of dust, mess and noise is daunting, so you’ll imagine yourself in your new kitchen, sitting by the fire or showing friends proudly around your new home. You might worry about the cost and how long it’s going to take, but overall you’ll be looking forward to this new phase of your life.

 

The builder, however, will get straight down to detail. Can they manage this project? How will it fit into the diary alongside other work? Will it add to the bottom line? They’ll be considering what trades will be involved, whether the planning permission is in place, how long it’s likely to take. They might give a thought to whether they can get on with you, but that’s more likely to come later.

 

Of course, neither of you will think to say any of that – you’ll both just assume the other is on the same page, focusing on similar things. In fact, you could easily be talking at cross-purposes.

 

It’s the same in every conversation. We assume we understand what’s being said. We also believe we’re making complete sense. Sometimes we’re right, but sometimes nothing could be further from the truth.

 

When we enter into a romantic relationship, get to know a new boss or just make new friends, we accept that it takes time to understand the other person. We ask questions, listen to stories, find out what makes them happy or satisfied with our work. We want to get it right so we put the effort in.

 

It’s not always the same with the builder. As customers, we expect them to read our minds. We hand over plans, describe what we want and expect that to be enough. As time goes by, we begin to realise that making assumptions was a mistake.

 

How to choose your builder

 

For any project that’s more than a few days’ work, you’re going to be spending a lot of time with this person, so you need to choose carefully.

 

The first challenge is finding builders to ask for quotes, so:

 

• Talk to friends who’ve had the builder in. Were they happy with the quality of the work; did they get what they wanted; did they feel OK with that person in their home? Ask them about the finish of the work and whether they would have them back.

 

• Look on local social media pages. Facebook often has a local renovations page where people will talk about the builders they’ve worked with. Focus on the pages that are just for customers – once builders themselves are included, the information becomes less reliable. Ask for suggestions and check out the names you already have; get other views on the people you’re going to meet.

 

• Be curious about them – ask any questions you want to. You’re thinking of spending a lot of money with them, so make sure you get answers to all your questions.

 

• Look the builders up in trade federations – e.g. Federation of Master Builders (FMB) or National Federation of Builders (NFB). Both groups vet their members and have a code of conduct.

 

• Take a look on TrustMark. This is a government-endorsed quality scheme. Not every builder will be on there, including some very good ones, but it will give you a start: https://www.trustmark.org.uk/homeowner

 

Before you meet the builder, give them the basic information:

 

• The plans you have for the project

• The time frame you have in mind and any specific deadlines

• Any challenges that you already know about – e.g. issues with the drains, problems with exterior cladding…

• What you want from the meeting – do you want an opinion; a rough guideline on cost; an indicator of obstacles…

• Let them know if you want to speak with previous customers to find out about their work.

 

You’ll save time and energy if you’re clear about the non-negotiables, so always have a very clear agenda or brief to give to them. For example, if you have a specific deadline it’s much better to say that rather than waste time meeting with someone who is never going to be able to achieve that date. 

 

First meeting

 

First port of call, trust your gut. If you have an instant reaction against someone, see if it fades during your conversation, but never discount it. We can’t get on with everyone.

 

Invite the person in, put the kettle on, have the usual opening chat. You’re considering whether to let them into your home day after day. It’s worth investing a bit of time.

 

When you’re ready, talk through the information you sent. Have a notebook with you and write down questions as you think of them. You’ll have a lot of thoughts going through your head and it’ll be easy to forget. Find out what they think about the plans. Take them to the place in the house that’s under discussion. Show them the areas that connect to the plans you’ve provided.

 

Let them know what materials you want to use and ask if they have done similar projects, using these materials, before. You need to know if this is the type of project they’re familiar with.

 

Listen to their thoughts, suggestions and concerns. In my experience, most builders will have ideas for how it can be done differently and why some ideas won’t work in practice. They may be right or they may just not like the idea. You have to work out which it is and place that alongside the reason you wanted to go that way in the first place. Then you have a choice to make.

 

This discussion will provide clues to what the person will be like to work with. Pay attention to the content and the style. Do you feel positive about the suggestions or is it putting your back up? Are they really listening to you and taking in what you want or just trotting out the standard information?

 

Most disputes are due to poor communication so do find out:

 

• who will be on site each day

• who is the best person to speak to when you have a question

• when and how often they will meet you to discuss progress.

 

If the answers don’t work for you, say what you want and plan the meetings to suit your needs and timetable. Don’t let the builder decide, otherwise they could just scoot off at the end of the day leaving you none the wiser on progress.

 

 

I’m just too polite  

 

We’ve had enough work done on our house over the years for me to know that I get caught up in being polite. A lot of times this is fine – I don’t always have to speak my piece. Sometimes it’s fine to just listen to what someone else has to say and accept it.

 

Except when it comes to getting what we need. There are definitely times when it’s vital to speak out and be heard.

 

I finally understood this when we decided to make our retrofit eco-friendly. Of course this took the builder out of his comfort zone – we were saying a hard ‘No’ to PIR, the insulation he used on automatic pilot.

 

He is actually a really good guy – very willing to talk through our ideas, speak out when he thinks something won’t work and just go ahead when he is satisfied. But even so, there was plenty of teasing about the wood fibre, airtight membrane – all the materials we wanted to use.

 

Eventually it broke even my capacity to be polite and I got irritated. I told him: “Stop it. This is the way the world is going so you need to get on board.” Then I made him a cuppa and we all got back to work.

​

 

Of course, builders are only human, so they’ll be on their best behaviour when they first speak to you. You are a potential customer and they’ll want to provide what you’re asking for. At this point, the more you can demonstrate that you’re an engaged customer who knows something about the process, the more seriously they’ll take you. Of course they may decide they don’t want a customer ‘interfering’, in which case you’re better off not working with them.

 

This isn’t easy stuff. I recommend that you speak to a few builders before making your choice. Each time you go through the conversation you’ll be clearer about what you want, you’ll recognise standard sales speak and you’ll be more able to spot the person you can connect with. Trust your gut instinct – this person will be in your home for several months, so you need to be able to get on.

 

Tough conversations

 

It always happens. You’d be extremely lucky to get to the end of a building job without at least one delicate or difficult conversation. It will generally be about money:

 

• they ask for more than you expected or extra jobs have been added without you understanding the extra cost (see chapter 7)

• you don’t think something has been done well enough and you want them to do it again

• you forgot to get money out of the bank on the right day.

 

No one likes having these discussions. And it’s important to pick your battles. If something isn’t that significant and you are happy to live with it, then let it go. After all, no one sets out to do a bad job.

 

On the other hand, some builders content themselves with a ‘good enough’ job and cutting corners can happen if they’re in a hurry. Both of which need to be addressed. As a rule of thumb, if the issue is going to stick in your mind or irritate you every time you think about it or see the builder, then it needs to be discussed. If the work is ongoing, then clearing the air will be the only way to manage the rest of the process.

 

Resentment leaks and builds up with each minor disagreement. So you may need to take the plunge and sort out the issue for the sake of the wider project.

 

Listening is key

 

Quality listening is the key to understanding and, above all, you need the builder to understand what you want. Problem is, they’re used to giving advice. And, of course, you want them to be expert and know exactly what they’re doing, but it does mean they won’t necessarily pay much attention to you and how you feel.

 

So getting your needs met is down to you. List all your questions before you meet and work through them systematically. Remember that you’re the customer and the point of every conversation is to make sure you get the home you want in a way that is safe and manageable.

 

If a builder isn’t listening at your first meeting, the chances of them listening in the midst of the build are slim. So move on and look for someone who wants to work collaboratively. Then you’ll be in with a real chance of achieving your beautiful home.

 

And there are some amazing builders out there. I heard recently of builders who were told by their client: “Thank you – you made it so easy.” And that was after the client had lived for four months in a caravan in the garden! So it is definitely possible.

 

Making the decision

 

If you’ve done your preparation well and you believe you could have a good working relationship then the deciding factor is often cost. This is such a big issue that I’ve devoted a chapter to it (see chapter 7).

 

They will want tea and more tea.

 

I once asked Giorge, a local builder, what he looked for in a good customer. His answer came very quickly: “Someone who keeps the lads supplied with tea, makes quick decisions and pays on time.”

 

We did our retrofit during covid and my way of switching off from the scare, frustration and building mess was to cook. Picture this – we had just one tiny area of work surface left. I had my hob and the ovens were still in place. Otherwise my kitchen was a building site with no windows or doors to protect us from the autumn and winter weather. Never mind aprons – I was in my thick coat, boots and a hat.

 

Not only did I cook, I followed online lessons with Bread Ahead. We were living in the worst mess, cold and mucky, but we ate well! So many different cakes, breads and biscuits. I’m sure part of the good relationship we built with our builder was the food. We had the best-fed brickies in the country!  

 

​

The builders won't tell you this

​

These are all factors that builders know but won’t think to tell you. It’s second nature to them so they assume you know too:

 

You will be living with these people: if you decide to live in, then you’ll wake up each morning to these faces. They’ll see you in your dressing gown, when you’re on top form and when you’re down in the dumps. Although this is your home, for them it is a place of work. They may be really good at caring for your space or they may not notice the ‘home’ bits because they’re focused on the building bits. 

 

To manage this, make yourself a retreat in the house. Having somewhere to get away is really helpful. This is easy if you’re working on a small part of the home. If you’re doing a major piece of work then it may just be your bedroom – or at least where you sleep. Make clear this is out of bounds – that you want them to knock or shout if they need to speak to you when you are in there.

 

If the work is all-encompassing, you may decide to move out. This can be more comfortable and definitely cleaner. But it also costs money – money that could go into the renovation – so you need to weigh it up carefully. If you live in, good builders will allocate time to tidy up at the end of each day. If you’re elsewhere, they can use this time to carry on working.

 

One benefit of living in – if you can stand the mess – is that you can keep a much closer eye on what’s being done. You can check at the end of each day and ask for adaptations and changes as you go along. The once-weekly visit when you live out can make this more challenging. So it depends how much of a control freak you are, how well you understand building and how much you want to be involved.

 

Builders don’t know which bits of your home matter most: remember this is their workplace and they do a mucky, dusty job. If you want your house to be cared for, you’ll need to take some responsibility. You can’t expect it as automatic.

 

We always provide dust sheets. Any old sheets will do. It’s like tripping down memory lane for us when the builders come in – we’ve still got the old duvets from when the kids were little. They do a great job of protecting carpets!

 

You’ll find that some builders bring their own dustsheets and are really careful. Others just don’t bother – I think it doesn’t occur to them. When we put dust sheets on the stairs, we had to adjust them each time we went down or up. Not sure the guys ever noticed.

 

It’s OK to point out when things get a little messy – they might just need a bit more prompting.

 

Then we’ve had builders who were so careful and cleaned up after themselves. When Harry and Jack worked with us, they were better at cleaning up than me!

 

So be ready to set a tone at the outset. Dust sheets out, precious items stored safely out of harm’s way, furniture covered up, kettle and supplies in easy reach of the tap. Find out beforehand what to expect: who is going to be there and what is their routine – i.e. what time do they arrive/leave etc.? Then you can be as prepared as possible.

 

You won’t always know when to expect them: the building day generally goes from 8am to 4pm. Some builders work five days a week or use Saturday as a time to catch up if they’ve had to miss time during the week. So be prepared – you may only have one day a week off.

 

Something I didn’t understand for a long time is the juggling builders have to do between customers. If you choose to work with a medium-size or small building firm, they may have more than one job going on at the same time.

 

Their challenge is to make sure the people they employ are always working. They don’t want:

 

• a carpenter waiting to put up cupboards because the plumber hasn’t finished putting in the sink

• the floor fitter waiting for the underfloor heating to be finished

• the brickie having to wait for the scaffolding to go up.

 

Every delay of this nature costs money.

 

Sadly this probably means downtime for your project. You might be all prepped and ready at 8am to have no one turn up. They may come later in the day but more likely you won’t see them until the next day or next week. If this happens a lot, it gets really frustrating.

 

Hence the need for you to make quick decisions – or at least be ready with your decisions.

 

• Know which tiles you want in the kitchen.

• Decide how many power sockets you want and where you want them to go.

• Say which bathroom suite you want – especially if it has to be ordered ahead of time.

 

Leave decisions to the last minute and you risk holding up the process. Your builder will have allocated a day for the electrician or tiler to attend, but if you are still making up your mind, the work can’t go ahead. It will still have to be paid for, unless the builder has other work that person can do instead.

 

I imagine you won’t like hold-ups like these – I hate them. I can stand the mess as long as we’re moving forward, so downtime drives me up the wall. Delay not only costs time, it also costs money. If trades turn up and can’t work, the cost of their time will end up on your bill at some point.

 

Ask at the outset how many jobs they have going on. Find out how likely it is that you’ll have days when nothing is happening. And if it is likely, agree how they’ll let you know.  

 

And, of course, ask when particular decisions need to be made. Say how much warning you need to shift from endless browsing on Pinterest to putting in your order and arranging delivery.  

 

Parking

 

Unless you live on a grand estate, you’ll have to manage parking. Builders will turn up with at least one van and probably more. Having a drive helps but as soon as the first skip arrives, they’ll be back to parking on the road.

 

If you live in an area with restricted parking, you need to sort out permits. Check if your council provides specific permits for builders or if they can park for free when working on your house. It’s unlikely, but worth checking.

 

The builder may say they’ll pay for it themselves but the cost will inevitably end up on your bill, so find out what they charge. I’ve read about a builder who charged £70 per day to cover the cost of a fine should he get one. That way he could just park anywhere and save time. You might prefer to pay the much smaller cost yourself by doing it correctly!

 

The van will hold tools, materials, personal belongings. It will also be a quiet place to go for a break if needed, so it’s much better near the house. Parked down the road, they’ll spend time trooping backwards and forwards – it’s inconvenient and takes time away from the work.

 

Deliveries: on the subject of parking, it’s helpful to know what to expect with deliveries.

 

Stroppy delivery drivers

 

Some delivery drivers are delightful and helpful; others seem not to like the world that much and certainly aren’t enjoying their jobs very much.

 

We live at the far end of a cul-de-sac so I can see we’re a trial when it comes to delivering big items. Most drive up the road quite happily to drop off the delivery. Some manage it with a grumble, others refuse to even start.

 

Of course the most stroppy one we’ve ever had was delivering the materials that were needed immediately or work would be held up. He walked the length of the road to tell us he wasn’t prepared to drive up. It took a lot of persuading to change his mind.

 

Obviously, he made it – it’s a challenge but so many others have done it without quibble – but you’d think he’d crossed the desert, so ripe was his vitriol. I managed not to point out that the crane driver had been up the day before to deliver massive steels! Just to make himself feel better, he dumped the pallets of insulation on the road just where the neighbours would need to park their car.

 

I do understand and I do appreciate the effort required to get materials to us in good time. The challenge comes when the driver implies we bought that house just so we could be a nuisance on that particular Thursday.

 

But it’s par for the course and part of the rich tapestry of renovation and retrofit!  

 

If your location has any quirks or restrictions that could affect the movement of large vehicles, be clear with the builder about the best way to manage it. For example, some materials will be delivered on a pallet – timber, insulation batts or bricks will be loaded onto a wooden pallet that can be lifted up in one piece by a forklift truck. The pallet then makes it easier to load the lorry, but it may not make it easier to unload outside your house.

 

When you have plenty of room around your house this will be inconsequential. If you live in terraced housing or on a narrow road, this is a constant hassle that needs working out ahead of time. The last thing you want is for your materials to be driven away again in a fit of pique.

 

When a pallet is delivered, it is likely to be on a ‘kerbside only’ basis. This means the materials are dropped off on the pavement in front of your house. It will be for you or the builder to move them onto your drive, into your garden or just out of the way of neighbours.

 

We’ve found ourselves loading bags of cement onto a wheelbarrow to shift it into the garden after it was delivered on a Friday afternoon, moving huge packs of insulation that needed not to get wet and shovelling rubble till we were exhausted.

 

Neighbours: which brings us to the thorny question of neighbours.

 

If your neighbours have done work like this themselves then they are more likely to be understanding. On the other hand if you live in a road where loads of people are renovating, building fatigue may be setting in. It’s irritating to be held up by builders’ vans when you have a train to catch. Or if those noisy deliveries turn up just as the baby goes to sleep.

 

So we need to take care of each other. Your neighbours will be there long after the builder has gone so it pays to be considerate.

 

• Let them know when deliveries are expected or when the crane is coming to bring in the steels.

• Apologise in advance and talk them through the plans so they know what to expect.

• When noise or traffic has been really bad, take flowers or a bottle of wine to thank them for their understanding.

 

It’s bad enough living through building work when you know you’ll eventually end up with a lovely home for your labours. Neighbours have to put up with the noise and disturbance with nothing to gain. And then you have to live alongside each other, so be kind and caring. Your work will finish one day and then soon you’ll be on the receiving end of someone else’s ambitions. 

 

While the builders might be an irritant to the neighbours, it’s also possible that the neighbours could be a thorn in the side of the builders. So always let the builders know if someone is particularly tricky so they can be aware and work around it. Hassle takes time, so the more you can avoid it the better.

 

Want to get your hands dirty? If you want to get involved and do some of the work yourself – just for the joy of it or to save money – then best to agree this with the builder ahead of time. They may have concerns:

 

• They’ll have to incorporate your efforts into their work so they’ll be concerned about what sort of job you’ll do.

• They have to answer to the building inspector, so need to be sure you’ll do a good job.

• If you don’t work to the same timetable you could hold up the wider process.

 

It’s a great idea to take part in the build, but make sure you’re really committed. If you suddenly become too busy or realise the job’s more than you thought, the builder will have to pick up for you. That means allocating time in the schedule and finding trades who can fill in at short notice.

 

Most important, recognise what you can and can’t do. If you’re going to have to search on YouTube to work out how to do it (unless you’re particularly good at learning new skills) – maybe leave it to the professionals. If you really want to help out, then taking on the tidying can leave the builder to do the specialist work. 

 

We can do that ourselves

 

It was one of those late-night decisions – we would insulate under the suspended floor ourselves. Part desire to be involved, part concern the builders wouldn’t be precise enough, part not sure how to explain what had to be done.

 

I now know that Ecological Building Systems have a great blog and all the materials to do the job easily, but at that point John was having to work it out in his own head. So it made sense to start and work out the best way as he went along. (His solution turned out to be the same as EBS’s, so he was very proud of that.)

 

We started full of vigour, then life took over and we lost track. Not helped by the plumber who was busy elsewhere and giving no idea when he’d be in to put down the underfloor heating.

 

And of course, we suddenly got a message to say he’d be in the next day. And of course we weren’t ready. That was one long night, but we got it done. And of course, the plumber let us know next morning that he would now be in on Monday.

 

https://www.ecologicalbuildingsystems.com/post/best-practice-approach-insulating-suspended-timber-floors?srsltid=AfmBOopVVJcfhJCjDpQ0h2vNUE_XA069F8W4hUKZ7ADe6_GInYKrsRAa

 

So be sure you have the appetite for a consistent bit of hard labour. And if not, hand it back to the builder with plenty of notice.

 

Summary

 

• Finding a good builder is a challenge so it’s worth taking time to get to know possible providers.

• When problems arise it’s often about money. Keep notes of any extra spend and be prepared to have tough conversations if needed.

• You’ll be living close to the builder for the duration of the build, so do your best to make it a positive relationship. Remember it’s their workplace. It’s up to you to protect the parts of the house that matter most to you.

• Sort out parking and delivery – it’s the small things that make a big difference.

• If you want to get involved, agree it with the builder. You may have to reach the standard they set if you’re doing work that involves the building inspector.